Monument has two types of programs available for its members: active programs and theory programs.
Active programs are continuous; they are always in operation. Members can enter and exit them as they see fit. As the name implies, active programs entail an active form of participation - that is, members receive benefits and have certain responsibilities so long as they remain within the program. For example, the Peer Support and Accountability Program (see details below) involves being paired with at least one other member and interacting with them on a continual basis according to an agreement set out at the beginning of their participation.
By summer 2021, Monument will also have its first theory program. Theory programs are intended to have an educational focus and are slightly more passive than their counterpart. Topics will typically center around themes and issues related to men and masculinity, either by engaging with ideas that typically appeal to a male audience or by critically examining ideas espoused by other online male communities.
Theory program materials (videos, posts, etc.) will be available for members to view at any time and at their own pace. Occasionally, maybe once or twice a year, we will form groups (classes) that will follow the program together at a set pace, with the intention of creating a shared learning experience where members can respond/discuss/debate the content as they go through it. Theory program content can otherwise always be a topic of our discussion groups (see Social Events and Activities). The first program will be free; future programs may require a small fee to access, depending on the overall success of theory programs.
The following post appears in its entirety in the Projects and Programs section of our Forum, available to members.
The Peer-Support and Accountability Program
Have you been dealing with a recurring matter that negatively impacts your life? Do you have a goal you’re committed to achieving? Looking to overcome/quit...
->Addiction ->Pornography ->Social anxiety
->Compulsive behavior ->Drugs ->Eating disorder
->Anxiety ->Alcohol ->Grief
->Intrusive thoughts ->Heartbreak
The Peer-Support and Accountability Program is about pairing you with members who have dealt with what you’re dealing with or are committed to a similar goal in an effort to ensure your continued success in your commitment.
In most cases, the person supporting you will also be the person you are supporting - the default format is one of mutual support between two people. However, in cases where a person is supporting more than one person at a time, or is supporting someone with a problem that they’ve already overcome themselves, then it’s possible that you won’t play a supporting role for your supporter.
This is how it works:
1. Determine the concrete measurable goals you want to achieve
Ex. “I want to get over my ex”, or “I want to quit smoking weed”
2. Determine the actions you’ll take
These should be concrete and directly helpful in avoiding relapse
Some examples are:
“I will call up/video chat/meet with friends at night so as to not feel lonely/isolated”
“I will lower my consumption every week”
“I will find other things to consume when hanging out with my friends”
“I’m gonna get rid of all my drug paraphernalia”
“I will stop buying junk food”
If you’re going to quit a substance in a short amount of time, you’re going to want to have a plan for withdrawal symptoms and for managing the effects on your mood
You need at least one actionable step to take before starting the program
A community leader may ask you to have a more concrete/actionable step before starting your participation in the program
After this, the information we need from you is:
1. Your current type of struggle (what you’re trying to quit/overcome/improve)
2. Determine the time of day where you’d most like to be supported
Do you struggle most at night? Before bed? In the morning? During the day?
3. The amount and type of support you’d prefer
Do you prefer a single check-in per day, by text, in the evening?
Would you like someone to be available for a phone call? Would you prefer to have someone available to help you deal in moments or particular difficulty?
4. How long you’ve been dealing with this
5. Your time zone and preferred language(s)
Email info@monumentforum.net with the above format. No need to include the questions - just keep the number format and type your answers. You can also signal your intention to join the program through our Discord or Subreddit.
A community leader will reach out to you to suggest a possible partner (or more than one if there are many who match your needs/criteria). Once you are paired with another member, we leave it to you to determine the type of agreement/interaction you want to have. For the purposes of keeping track of participants in the program, one of you must report the agreement back to a community leader (or email info@monumentforum.net). A community leader may periodically check-in to see how things are going.
Your role as a participant (person being supported):
1. Honor your program commitment, and modify it if need be.
Honor the commitment you make at the beginning of your participation (ex. 1 check-in text per day, by 9pm), and be clear with your partner about having to change it if it doesn’t work for you. Notify your accountability partner if you expect not to be able to meet your commitment on a certain day. Your commitment can evolve and change over time, or it can stay the same for as long as you want. For example, if you check-in everyday, you may eventually want to transition to checking-in every 2-3 days, or once a week, or you may want to keep the same format indefinitely.
2. Be honest with your accountability partner when you fail or relapse.
There’s no point in hiding our failures. There can’t be any progress if you aren’t honest about your shortcomings. Your partner is not there to judge you; they’re there to keep you accountable to your goal and to have you acknowledge whether your current plan is working or not.
3. Do not solely rely on your partner to meet your goals.
An accountability partner is there to give you an extra incentive to fulfill your commitments to yourself, but they cannot do the work for you. “My partner wasn’t there for me” isn’t an excuse to relapse. The strength of your commitment is what will determine your success. If your partner is no longer fulfilling their role, notify a community leader and you’ll be paired with a new partner. Send a message either though live chat, or to Reddit mods, or email info@monumentforum.net
4. Do not rely on your partner for tips/strategies/suggestions/coaching.
Your partner is there to keep you accountable to a plan that you made before you entered into the program. If you need to change the plan, you can modify it or add to it in consultation with your partner or with other members of the Community, but you should be the one to determine the original steps you take.
Your role and responsibilities as a supporter:
(again) Honor your program commitment, and modify it if need be.
Honor the commitment you make at the beginning of your participation (ex. 1 check-in text per day, by 9pm), and be clear with your partner about having to change it if it doesn’t work for you. Notify your accountability partner if you expect not to be able to meet your commitment on a certain day. Your commitment can evolve and change over time, or it can stay the same for as long as you want. For example, if you check-in everyday, you may eventually want to transition to checking-in every 2-3 days, or once a week, or you may want to keep the same format indefinitely.
1. Maintain a neutral attitude towards your partner’s struggle
Your main job is to keep from judging the outcomes of your partner’s accountability journey. Refrain from judgement means to resist the temptation of attaching positive meaning to successes, and more importantly, to resist attaching negative meaning to failures. Your job is not to encourage or try to cheer up your partner so much as it is to be a neutral presence that makes them feel like they aren’t alone and gives them an extra incentive to remain true to their commitment.
2. Recognize and acknowledge when your partner’s plan doesn’t seem to be working.
If your partner is constantly relapsing or failing to meet their stated goal, be forthcoming about the need to reassess their plan and strategy. Note that one or two failures/relapses do not necessarily constitute an overall failure of the plan or strategy. If there is a problem with the plan, invite them to come up with new and better ways to remain on track and accountable. Feel free to seek out the assistance of the Community by posting on our Forum, Discord, or Subreddit.
And that about covers it! If you have any questions, feel free to reach out to a community leader or to post in the Forum, Subreddit, or Discord. Members are also encouraged to share their experiences with the program on any of our platforms.